Can you feel the excitement over this week's update, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs? The day has finally arrived. No, the Gang hasn't rescued Falin. No, they haven't saved everyone in the dungeon. No, Senshi hasn't looked directly at the camera and said, "Nih's a stand up slime." It's something even better than all those combined times 5. This week, DMMs, this week we are making the pinnacle of culinary achievement. The absolute top of the food pyramid. The one dish by which all dishes are judged! I'm talking....the Egg Sandwich!
"You duplicitous drip!" I can hear you screaming into the phone as you are on the line with Coast to Coast. "You said no duplicate dishes yet you've already made an egg sandwich!" DMMs, you are correct. We made an egg sandwich back in the Breakfast Senshi Made update. That was A egg sandwich. I'm talking THE egg sandwich here. The two are not comparable. Just sit back and I'll explain once we find out how the gang gets to eating egg sandwiches in the first place! It all begins when they are hungry enough to think about eating rats. Turns out a certain cat person isn't interested in rats.
You know, my old cat would agree with Izutsumi here. My kitty isn't interested in mice either. But what's Izutsumi looking at that's clearly not a rat? This one's easy, DMMs. It's black, got two horns and is a quadruped. What else could it be?
Huh, gotta admit I've never seen this before. A horse with TWO horns? Some sort of bi-corn? I can't speak to its sexual preferences, DMMs, but since we already know about a Unicorn what makes a Bicorn different? Thankfully that's a very simple answer. It's a Bizzaro.
Simple and straight forward, right? I know that's not a great answer, Bicorns just being the opposite of a Unicorn in every way is a little boring. I'd agree but that's how the fae tend to operate. They like to keep things as simple as possible. No shades of grey with the mythical, DMMs! So, if you have to be pure of heart to safely approach an Unicorn then naturally you'd have to be a POS to approach a Bicorn. Best way to do that is commit sins! Kinda hard to sin your heart out in the Dungeon so the gang turn to whatever they can. Their first attempt? Gluttony.
Gotta admit, DMMs, this one confused me. A little "Nih Background Info" here. I grew up in a Pentecostal church. If you aren't familiar, very conservative but lots of dancing, singing and speaking in tongues. To a Pentecostal EVERYTHING is a sin.....except Gluttony. My church wasn't going to hold back from eating to get into God's good graces, DMMs. So I had to remember that everyone else DO consider Gluttony a sin and the Gang were right to eat egg sandwiches so soon after breakfast. This puts us in a weird place. The Gang has already eaten this week's dish but hasn't dealt with the monster. So let's do something different and talk about the dish and then come back to the Bicorn! Which is great for me because I squirming in my seat excited to get started. And this week I remembered the mushrooms!
Okay, that's not entirely true. Have you ever been in a 24 hour grocery store at 5:30 in the morning, DMMs? It's a weird place! But they do have the mushrooms that I need after forgetting to put them on the list. You don't need that many mushrooms since they are just a topping for this sandwich. Just slice up two pretty good sized ones.
Looking pretty normal as far as mushrooms go! Heat a tablespoon and a half of butter over medium heat while you chop. Then just dump the mushrooms into the hot pan.
Don't worry about crowding the pan. These suckers will reduce in size as they cook. Gotta love foods that shrivel up! Let them cook for five minutes on this side and give them a flip. Let them cook on the other side for five more.
They'll be brown, shriveled and delicious! Fight the urge to snack on the cooked mushrooms, DMMs. You'll want them for the sandwich. Remove the temptation and move them to a bowl so they can cool off. Okay...you've been very patient, DMMs. What is this egg sandwich that stands above all other egg sandwiches? Lean in. I'll whisper it in your ear....THE EGG SANDO! It's fluffy, it's got the umami, it's got the eggs. It's perfect. And simple! All you need are two key ingredients!
Cornstarch and good old dashi! Those are the only real ingredients needed to make great egg sandos, DMMs. Seriously! The cornstarch helps thicken the eggs so they stay together and the dashi gives it a deep flavor. But still, how is this different from a normal fried egg sandwich? For starters it uses water. Now, before we begin let me say my measurements are for 2 sandos. End of the day one sando needs 2 eggs so increase or decrease to match the amount you are making. Put a tablespoon of cornstarch into a measuring cup and then add half a cup of water. Combine until it looks like milk and you no longer feel the cornstarch sticking to the bottom.
Don't drink this, DMMs! It's what the pioneers called "Fools Milk." You will not be refreshed. Crack 4 eggs into the water/cornstarch mixture and a tablespoon of dashi. Give this all a good mixing. A little tip, I find using chopsticks help combine this the best. They are a bit easier to control than a fork and I don't own an emulsion blender. Plus they make a cool sound! CLACK, CLACK, CLACK! Start slowly until the eggs have truly combined with the water then increase the speed. That way you are less likely to spill the mixture. Do this until it's a nice solid yellow and you don't see any stand alone yolk.
Pretty! Once again, you could stop right here and drink this straight to get all that protein. Or you could do something less nasty and cook those eggs! Heat two tablespoons of butter over just above medium heat. These come together fast, DMMs, so be ready to not move too far from the stovetop. Pour the eggs into the hot pan. OH! A step you may or may want to do is strain the eggs. Some chefs swear it makes the sandos better by removing the whites but I've never personally seen a difference. No, I just put it all in the pan.
At this point take your chopsticks or fork and give is a good mix. You aren't going to make all scrambled eggs but you do want a little scramble in the pan. So mix for maybe a minute until you see scrambled bits show up.
Okay, that's a good stopping point. Now treat it like an omelette, DMMs. Use a spatula and push up a side of the mixture. Then tip the pan so that some of the runny eggs from the top move in to fill the crack.
Do this until you just have a little runny egg on top. Something like this.
Just a little runny but firm. Now reduce the heat to LOW, cover and let the eggs cook for two minutes. After two minutes remove the lid and VIOLA!
So fluffy yet so firm! Take your spatula and cut the egg in half. Fold that and move it to a bread of choice. I know in Japan they typically use those giant Shokupan slices but I'm a fan of a jalapeno bagel that I can get from a local bagel shop...when they have them. Take a look.
I put cheese on the bagel when I toasted it, DMMs. What can I say? I'm a slime of refined tastes. It looks so good I regret not having one right now. I mean, just look at it from the side.
Put some pepper or hot sauce on there or don't. It's perfect any way you serve it. I'll recommend not adding salt. The dashi will make the dish salty enough for my tastes. What else is there to say, DMMs? The Egg Sando is the tops! But did it help the Gang? Well.....
It's never a sin to eat an Egg Sando, DMMs! Senshi should have known that. After trying a few other sins the Gang just could not debase themselves enough to catch the Bicorn. They did, however, have a tiny jerk up their sleeves. The half-foot badboy, the deadbeat himself, Chilchuck!
Personally, I don't know why they didn't start with Chilchuck, DMMs. Some have called him bad before. Many have said Chilchuck does things that are not correct to do. Me being one of them! So surely he'll have no problems taming the Bicorn!
Ooops. The Bicorn has standards! Or Chilchuck isn't a 100% scumbag. Either or, DMMs. Out of options the Gang takes the Ghostbusters approach and just rush the Bicorn.
I live in the Horse Capital of the World, DMMs. I can say with authority that the Hemp Rope is the natural predator to any horse. Trust me on this. Unfortunately, since the Bicorn couldn't be tamed there was only one option left.
Vorpal blades aren't the only ones that go snicker-snack, DMMs. Is it still a Bicorn if the head is no longer attached to a body? I mean, the head still has two horns. To celebrate the Gang finish their Sandos and Chilchuck discovers something Editor has known all along.
Syrup or jam go GREAT on Egg Sandos! I keep telling you it's the perfect food, DMMs! Don't believe me? Try it yourself! Trust me, it's one of the easiest dishes you'll ever try to put together. And golden fluffy clouds of egg are your reward! Just remember to break away from the Egg Sando eating this time next week when we maybe take a close look at this whole Bicorn thing. See you in seven!
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