Have you had your fill of deep frying, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs? I know that I have! The old stomach can't take the fried golden goodness the same way it could way back when. As much as it pains me, it is time to strain the cooking oil and store it away for future use. Which means we turn to this week's topic. FAMILIARS!......at least that was the original plan, DMMs. Until my research took me down a weird and deeply disturbing path. Join me as I check whether or not I'm a witch!
"What are you talking about, you grandiose goo?" I can hear you whisper to the local Witch Hunter General. "How can you be a Witch Slime?" It was a surprise to me as well, DMMs! I've always thought I was your simple normal slime with a love of food and manga about food. After a long research rabbit hole I'm not longer so sure. What could make me question my place in the mystic universe? Allow me to lay out the three pieces of evidence! First, the familiar.
Witches have familiars, DMMs. This was a known fact in the Middle Ages and still a fact today. From what I was able to find the most famous familiar was of the self confessed witch Elizabeth Francis named Satan. Hey, names are hard, DMMs. Don't judge. That's a job for a court of law! And Elizabeth was put on trial for witchcraft in the late 1500's which is where most of our knowledge of familiars come from. Elizabeth was pretty straight forward that yes, she was a witch and yes, her cat Satan talked to her all the time. Familiars talk to their witches and the witch understands what they are saying. What to they talk about? You know. Witch stuff. Curses, who is a jerk around town and the familiar begging for drops of Elizabeth's blood. The short and the long is familiars help witches in their witch duties. Well, I have a cat. Look into the face of horror, DMMs!
During the Witch Trials your accuser could enter Spectral Evidence into the record to prove Witchatude. This was before the Constitution, DMMs, so the rules of evidence were a bit loosey goosey. What is Spectral Evidence? It's where the victim sees the witch in their dreams or just "around". That's pretty much it. The victim gets on the stand and says, "Goodie Weirdo was clearly that yellow bird I saw in the yard." and that counts. During the Salem Witch Trials most were condemned by children claiming the accused was in the room putting curses on them at all times. Taking that these kids weren't lying how does that apply that to me? Simple, I don't have a single friend who hasn't said they saw me in a dream at some point. What am I doing in these dreams? Just being "around". I don't do much other than be in the dreams of others. Why am I so popular a dream subject? It's not because I'm a fun slime, I can tell you that. It must be because I'm a witch! Can you prove to me that bird outside your window isn't me? What other logical explanation could there be? The third, and most damning evidence is the Witch's Mark.
"What are you talking about, you grandiose goo?" I can hear you whisper to the local Witch Hunter General. "How can you be a Witch Slime?" It was a surprise to me as well, DMMs! I've always thought I was your simple normal slime with a love of food and manga about food. After a long research rabbit hole I'm not longer so sure. What could make me question my place in the mystic universe? Allow me to lay out the three pieces of evidence! First, the familiar.
Her name is Alouette and she totally talks to me. Don't believe me, DMMs? Here's an example. When I'm in the bathroom she walks in and meows loudly. I know that means she wants me to pull out the clothes hamper so that she has something to jump on before jumping onto the bathroom sink. Cut Alley some slack, she's nearly 19 years old. That's not all, DMMs. She tells me when she is hungry, when she wants me to sit down, when she wants me to go to bed. Yes, all of our conversations are entirely one sided but Elizabeth never said she talked to Satan. Just that Satan talked to her. Alley has yet to tell me who to curse but she's a busy cat what with the sleeping all day. Sounds like that's one big strike against me, DMMs! The second piece of evidence is a bit more abstract. Spectral Evidence.
The Witch's Mark is a natural mark on the body that proves your service to the Devil. Things like weird birthmarks count. Which, get old enough and your body is going to be covered in Witch's Marks, DMMs. No, what is damning to me is a specific type of Witch's Mark, the Witch's Teat! A form of Witch's Mark that sort of looks like a wart on the body that familiars treat like a third nipple. It's where they get blood from rather than the witch having to prick a finger. Pretty efficient! I'll spare you a photo but I have one of these on my right pinkie finger. It's been there for decades. I once asked my dermatologist about it and was told, "Eh, it's nothing. Do you want me to shave it off?" "That sounds painful." I answered and opted to not. I'm fairly sure Alley hasn't tried to drink my blood through it but she is awake when I'm asleep. So could I ever be sure? That's three indisputable pieces of evidence that yours truly is a witch, DMMs! I'm as surprised as you are. Life truly is a journey of self discovery. I've never tried to curse someone, it's never dawned on me that I could. Maybe I should give it a go? I guess you never know till you try? Do you have any curse requests? Can I use my witch heritage for good? Are benevolent curses a thing? I have a lot of reading to do, DMMs! And a pointy hat to buy! So that's all for this week. Be sure to come back next week because not only do we get to eat something unique, we learn a little about Senshi's past.
Oh! Before we go. This was the chapter where Chilchuck admits to being a complete deadbeat.
Whatta guy!
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