Boiled Mimic

 Congrats, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs!  You faced your fear of ghosts and your reward was icy cold sorbet.  Do you feel braver, stronger, dare I say more handsome?  All of things are possible when cooking with ghosts.  Or so I read in a waterlogged copy of Time-Life Mysteries of the Unknown that I found at the bus stop. This week we turn away from sweet desserts, DMMs.  Time for something more protein filled!  This week we are cooking some sweet meat.

Okay, okay. I know that I'm skipping an entire chapter here.  This is what I should be cooking this week isn't it, DMMs?

"Fraud!  Fraud! You should be recreating this bountiful meal with your own two hands, you sulfurous slime!" I can hear you bellow.  First, I don't know what my musky odors has to do with anything.  And second, where did Laios find that meal?

That's right!  He went into a Living Painting and ate painting food.  What did Laios get for his troubles, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs?  You know...other than meeting the Lunatic Sorcerer for the first time?

That's right. NOTHING!  Laios ate nothing so that meal doesn't exist.  I'm not cooking fake fictional foods, DMMs.  No, this chef only cooks real fictional foods.  Foods like this!

The mimic!  The bane of thieves and homemovers alike. Typically they are found in dungeons masquerading as treasure chests. We'll talk about the mimic in more detail next week, DMMs. The basics are simple. They are ambush hunters!

They sit around all quiet like looking very inviting and full of treasure.  When a greedy adventurer opens them up the mimic gets a quick meal!  Not a bad way to spend your time, if you ask me.  In most settings a mimic is nothing more than a treasure chest with teeth.  Dungeon Meshi takes it a step further and makes the mimic a GIANT hermit crab!

Like actual hermit crabs they start small and hide in helmets and pots then move to treasure chests and boxes!  Efficient use of an environment.  Earth friendly tip, DMMs.  Real hermit crabs will move into whatever they can fit into.  So please be careful what you do with your garbage!

 Now I guess you can eat hermit crabs. But that seems like an overall bad idea, DMMs.  The real hermit crabs stay very small and a lot of people view them as pets.  I may be a slime but I'm not a monster!  So instead of hermit crabs this week we will be cooking Snow Crabs!

Cooking and eating snow crab just for you, DMMs.  That's the sort of sacrifice I'm willing to make!  Luckily the local seafood place (we do have one!) was running a sale on snow crab so I didn't break the bank too bad this week.  But how do we cook crab?  Senshi lays it out pretty simply.

That's it, DMMs!  Boil the water, add your seasoning and put in the crab.  Oh!  And the most important part of any cooking when you boil.  Sitting down and waiting!

Luckily, DMMs, we are not in the dungeon and have access to more spices than salt.  What will our boil be using?  Let's take a look!

Old Bay, vegetable oil, salt, some beer.  That's it!  And cooking is really just brining a pot of water to a boil and add 3 tablespoons of Old Bay, a tablespoon of salt, a tablespoon of vegetable oil, and the can of beer.  I'm not a big alcohol drinker so I don't really know what to look for flavorwise.  You don't want to overpower the Old Bay so I have been told you need a lighter flavored beer for this.  Trust me, it smells as good as it looks!

Yummy!  Now for the switch-up, DMMs.  I know that I've been using the term "boil" for this recipe. However, what we are going to do is steam the crab. Now don't get me wrong. You can just dump the crab right on in there.  The cooking time is exactly the same.  I just think steaming is easier and far less messy!

Cover the pot and let them cook for five minutes.  That's all you need whether steaming or boiling!  Just like that, the cooking is over!  And now the fun part begins.  Getting the sweet crab meat out of the hard shells!  It is such a trial for landlocked slimes such as yours truly.  Even Laios struggled with it!

Trust me, a spoon doesn't work.  At least I couldn't get it to work.  I also tried yelling at the crab legs and throwing them against the wall.  Got nothing for my efforts.  Then I remembered how the gang handled this problem.  Thieves tools!

 I'm no thief, DMMs.  If anything I've always seen myself as maybe a bard slime.  But not a thief!  So I don't own any thief's tools.  I do love walnuts, however, and do have a nice set of walnut tools!

Nice cracker and two diggers!  Remarkably these did the trick! Just clean off the tools and have at it.  The snow crab tasted like snow crab, DMMs.  It's such a simple way to cook anything.  If you are lucky to live near the ocean why not treat yourself to some this weekend?  If you don't live near the ocean...well...always be on the lookout for half off crab sales!

That's it for the Boiled Mimic cooking. Be sure to come back next week as we take a closer look at the monster we just ate.  The slippery mimic!