Soul Eggs Benedict

Welcome back, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs!  I sure hope you've been spared being entombed in ice and snow like I still am. No snow golems to be seen but I have slipped and slid far more than a slime normally would.  But dwelling on the cold only makes one colder. So why not pass the time with a quiz? What's the most important part of cooking, DMMs? Expensive pots? Quality ingredients? An apron? Nope. It's the ability to fail, and fail, and fail, and fail, but still try to make a dish until you get it right.  We've talked about recipe bullies in the past. This week we're really up against one of my most fear dishes. Join me as I try to cook the Soul Eggs Benedict!

There is is, DMMs. As evil as it is rich. No brunch is complete without eggs benedict. But as a noted early riser I tend to eat breakfast far before brunch time. So I never got a real taste for eggs benedict. Also, it is a PAIN to make! So many moving parts. We'll get to that in a bit.  First we have to see how we get to this most snobbish of dishes. I know you're wondering what the dungeon gang has been up to. Well TOO BAD!  We are off with the B team this week. 

I know everyone was wanting to spend an entire chapter on world building so it's what we got! I'll spare you the details but long story short we answer the question of what happens when a dungeon gets out of hand. A dungeon can get so bad that the monsters start to spill out of a dungeon into the countryside.  If you have a problematic dungeon, if no one else can help you, and you can contact them, maybe you can hire The Canaries!

That's right! The elves step in.  You don't even have to contact them. They make it their business to force themselves into any magical situation whether you want them to or not. They are an aggressive bunch. Their way to dealing with an out of control dungeon is to murder everything inside. Also, they tend to think they are better than you and everyone else.

How could they deny a man his simple pleasures, DMMs?  Short and the long is the gang is now on a timer. They better deal with the lunatic magician and save Falin before the Canaries kill everyone.  To be honest, the average Canary isn't that interesting...except the one that can turn into a werewolf. We'll get to that.  There is one that I really love.

This is Mithrun, DMMs, and he doesn't just have problems. He has ALL the problems. We'll also get to him later. For now we actually get back to the dungeon gang and what are they doing? Cooking!  And what are they cooking?

Good night, Senshi. You are in the middle of a dungeon and don't even have access to mimosas.  Is this really the time for brunch?  Senshi would say it's mimosa-o'clock somewhere and make one of the fanciest breakfast dishes available!

What exactly is eggs benedict though?  It's three different dishes all combined into one. And yes, I consider sauces to be a dish. Especially this one with how much trouble you go to.  Eggs benedict is a poached egg served over a biscuit covered in hollandaise sauce. Can you feel the old arteries getting clogged, DMMS? There is so much butter and eggs in this dish! Which is why it's been popular for over a century. We've got a lot of cooking to do, DMMs, so let's get started with the part that means the most to be, the biscuit! 

Long time Dungeon Meshi Maniacs know that I am an Appalachian Slime. We mountain gelatinous entities take biscuits very seriously. They are the ultimate comfort food where I come from. Serious business to the point that every family has their own spin on things. Normally the family biscuit recipe is a guarded secret. Seeing how we're all friends here in the dungeon, however, I'm going to share with you the Nih Family Biscuit Recipe.  I'm serious here! Normally I'd ask you to keep this a secret but seeing how I'm putting it on an open blog on the Internet I'll turn things around and ask that you share it with everyone.

Okay.

Lean in close.

I'm going to whisper the secret to the Nih Biscuit.

Ready?

I use a mix.

  Surprised?  Don't be! There is zero shame in using a mix for your biscuits.  People get so caught up in tradition or family recipes that they'll endure terrible food for years. If you don't enjoy what you are eating who cares its history? A biscuit is comfort food.  I eat one when I feel like everything is coming apart so I can recenter.  I tried so many recipes over the decades and finally found the one that I love the most. Luckily for me it was a local mix. Seriously, if you are in the area give Weisenberger a try! They have way more than just biscuit mixes too.  I don't want you to think this is all just following the recipe on the bag, however. There is a secret ingredient though, DMMs. One so shocking that your hair may stand on end when you hear it.

Ready?

I'm serious this time.

I'm going to just shout it out.

BACON FAT!

If you take ANYTHING from this insane blog let it be this. SAVE YOUR FAT! You shouldn't pour bacon fat down the drain so store it in the fridge or freezer until you need fat in a recipe. it can go bad but you'll know real quick from the smell.  Otherwise it can keep a long time. For my biscuits I use four tablespoons.  What...biscuits aren't health food.  Take three cups of the mix and plop four tablespoons of fat right into it.

 What you do know is cut the fat into the mix. Basically take two butter knives, they do not need to be sharp, and just create a scissor between the two.  You just cut through the fat distributing it through the mix.  Keep doing this until you do not see any clumps of fat. Now add one cup of buttermilk.

 Buttermilk is so weird. Delicious to cook with, poison to drink unless you were born before 1945. Pour that right into your mix and give it a stir.  You're going to end up with a very shaggy dough. No worries, you are not going to knead this.

I probably should have mentioned earlier that you needed to preheat the oven to 450. Is it too late to go back and add that?  Nah, you DMMs are smart. You know to read the entire recipe before starting unlike some slimes.  Once the oven is preheated grease an 8x8 pan, or in my case a cast iron skillet. I do that by putting a tablespoon of butter in the skillet and putting it into the hot over to melt.

Takes about a minute and you'll want to use gloves taking it out!  However you do it plop the dough into your pan and spread it around.  Just take a wooden spoon and make sure it goes to the edges.

This already smells biscuity, DMMs!  We do still need to cook it so into the over for 20 minutes.  You'll also give it a good ten minute rest once you take it out.  Cooking is hard work!  You have to give your food a breather.

Delicious!  From here just cut out the amount of biscuit that you need and save the rest.  And now we are done with the easy part of eggs benedict!  Next up, one of the main sauces from the land of France...the Hollandaise Sauce. I really hope you've been working out your arms and wrists, DMMs. You're going to need them.

Despite the name, Hollandaise Sauce has nothing to do with Holland. Apparently it was originally called Sauce Isigny because it came from a small town in Normandy famous for its butter and cream. I guess it was also famous for its smell because that's a lot of dairies! Weirdly you need more than just butter and eggs.

You also need lemon juice and Cayenne Pepper.  I'm going to guess both were hard to come by in rural France when this sauce was invented.  Speaking of things they didn't have in rural France back in the day were microwaves and blenders. Most modern recipes use both and I have neither. So we'll be doing this the old brutal old fashioned way, DMMs!  Start by melting a WHOLE HALF CUP OF BUTTER in a pan and move that to a bowl. Once again, this is not health food.  You'll want the butter to cool down but not get cold so keep it on the counter once melted.  Fill a separate pot about halfway with water and bring that to a boil. And then YANK the temp down to low. You want a low simmer, the bubbles just kissing the top.

Nice. What we are going to do now is create a double boiler. Some luck folks have a double boiler set, two pots that stack on top of one another. If you don't have a double boiler just use a metal bowl or even another smaller pot. Put it on top of the pot with the boiling water making sure the bottom doesn't touch the water.  You are using the residual heat to "cook" the eggs without turning them into scrambled eggs.  Don't get me wrong, scrambled eggs are delicious. But they do not belong on Hollandaise Sauce. Separate three egg yolks and put them into the top pot along with 2 teaspoons of lemon juice.  And now, DMMs, wisk like your life depended on it.

 I know this photo is of the pot not on top but I'm only one slime and only have so many appendages.  I cannot whisk and take a photo at the same time! Put everything you have into whisking, DMMs. Your arms and wrist may complain..shoot they WILL complain. But they are holding you back from great sauce, DMMs. Ignore them. Power through THREE WHOLE MINUTES of whisking. You can do this, you have the tools and you have the talent! The eggs will turn pail and get thicker.

The lighting isn't good in my kitchen so you can't really see how light the color is. Just trust that you'll be done in three minutes. Take the sauce pot away from the heat because now you'll add the butter!  Remember, DMMs, add that butter SLOWLY. It's going to be cool but it's should still be warm. Take heed of Einstein's other famous equation: Heat+Eggs=Scrambled Eggs. Dribble it in while whisking. You don't have to whisk as hard as earlier but keep it up.

 Lovely.  It took so many tries for me to get Hollandaise Sauce down, DMMs.  The stupid sauce would break or not combine right. The key for me was get jacked and beat the heck out of it!  I lift for the kitchen, DMMs!  Now add salt and cayenne to taste and you are done with the sauce!  Finally, on to the final....and meanest part of this dish. The dreaded Poached Egg.

I hate this part, DMMs. Poaching an egg is something I routinely struggle with.  It seems so simple! You drop eggs into hot water and let them cook for two minutes! But within that simplicity lies so many opportunities for failure. You are asking the egg to only cook on the outside leaving the inside runny. And there are so many techniques that people use...NONE of which work for me.  See what Senshi is doing above?  Swirling the water into a tornado?  That's the most common technique. I've never had it work. The egg just flies apart and you can't cook that many at a single time.  So after so many failures I finally found what works for me. Take a large pot, the largest one you have, and fill it with water. Bring that to a rapid boil and once again turn it down to Low letting the water return to a gentle boil like with the Hollandaise Sauce.  Add three tablespoons of vinegar and just give it a gentle stir to mix. Crack your eggs into a bowl and gently slide them into the water for two minutes.

Don't worry about the wispy whites that come off. That's pretty normal.  I've read that if you crack the egg over a very fine strainer the water that drains off will reduce the wispies. Personally, I don't see a point and it's another thing to clean.  Once two minutes are up take them out with a slotted spoon, put them over the biscuit, give the egg a nice cut in the front, and top with the sauce.

There you go! One Eggs Benedict. Great piece of breakfast food if you can pull it off.  Just don't become discouraged if you don't get it right at first.  Everything is still pretty edible even if it isn't perfect. Have faith in your abilities, DMMs! I was able to do it eventually and so can you!  That's it for the Eggs Benedict...wait...WE DIDN'T EAT A MONSTER AGAIN THIS WEEK!  What the heck, manga?  *sigh* I hope you stuck around to the end, DMMs. I'm sure we'll get back to eating a monster soon. Next week, we may take a slight detour and talk history and souls. See you then!