Eisbein-Style Cockatrice With Sauerkraut-Style Dryad Buds

 Guess what, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs?  As I'm typing this message it is officially the first year anniversary of this blog!  That's right, one year ago today I was at Dragon Con surrounded by so many talented and driven artists.  As I admired their ambition and creativity I wondered what I could do with far less of either.  Then it hit me!  I love to cook and I love to rip off world famous manga.  Could I combine both in some way?  Skip ahead one year and here I sit, DMM's.  The blog isn't popular and I have no readers beyond the pity of friends.  I'VE FINALLY MADE IT!  *sniff* This is all thanks to you, DMM's.  You're why I keep cooking and writing.  That and I need something to do on the weekends.

Patting myself on the back harder than Barry Horowitz aside I know why you're here.  Last time we chatted I mentioned I had to skip a recipe thanks to it being the wrong time of the year for the main ingredient.  Well good news, DMM's.  It's still not in stock!  So we are going to continue moving forward until it is pumpkin season.  Come on, sit back down. Maybe this is still a detour but truest me  this is good news for you because this week is a really unique one.

Eisebin-style Cockatrice!  The rooster with a snake for a tail.  Trust me, it's the stuff of nightmares.  Behold!

Try to remain calm, DMMs.  This is only a drawn picture.  It can't hurt you.  Now I know what you're thinking. "You sleazy slime, you've already cooked a Cockatrice!  I'm not sitting through the same monster twice!"  Oh-ho-ho, my dear DMM's. Shut up.  You couldn't be more wrong.  You see, what you are thinking of is the Basilisk.  The rooster with a snake tail that poisons you.  The Cockatrice is a rooster with a snake tail that TURNS YOU TO STONE.  A totally different creature.  As you may recall I did talk about how there is very little difference between the Basilisk and the Cockatrice in the "real world" but in the dungeon the Cockatrice is bigger, meaner and the artist loves to draw it in unique styles.

What a brutal side-eye!  Be careful with Cockatrice's, DMM's.  As I shouted earlier, they can turn you to stone.  And it doesn't take much!  They just need to bite you.  But come on.  Who is crazy enough to get near these things for this to happen?

Oh...right.  That is our group's whole deal.  Which leaves us to the second biggest thing to keep in mind with Cockatrices.  If you've been bit be sure to pick a safe pose to be turned to stone in!  You do not want to fall over and smash to pieces.  Even if you could be put together again there's a good chance your fellow adventurers may put a finger or entire leg on wrong.  Marcille almost gets it right but even this is pretty hazardous.

She made the right call and sat down but that extended left arm could be an issue.  But you came here to EAT a Cockatrice not hear me talk about the best way to leave an safe statue body.  Let's start with the meal itself.  What is Eisbein-style, actually?  Eisbein is actually an ancient German dish that means 'ice leg"!  I have no idea why it's called that.  If you have access to a time machine go back to 10th Century German and ask them the deal.  I'd say it's because you boil salted pork knuckles for hours.  That sounds like a Winter thing, doesn't it?  Now I know the Cockatrice looks like a big rooster but I'm going to stick with tradition and go with pork knuckle.  Mainly because it's hard to find smoked chicken and I'm not sure how well it would take to this type of long boil.  You can beat the heck out of pork and still have a delicious meal!  The dish itself is pretty simple.  First, take some pork knuckles.

Nice!  This is the joint in the pig's leg where cracklings come from.  To make Eisbein you will need to first soak these knuckles in some brine.  Water, kosher salt and Himalayan salt is all you need!  Don't have kosher salt?  You can use table salt but you have to reduce the amount by a quarter.  Kosher salt has larger flakes which don't dissolve as easily as table salt.  If you try to use the same amount of table salt you are going to way oversalt things!  What about that second salt?  Himalayan salt is also known as Pink Salt?  Why?  Well....

It's pink!  This is the salt you see fancy lamps made out of.  Now I know a lot of people will tell you all the differences between this and table salt.  I'm not going to say they are wrong but really the only difference is the color and the fact that table salt has iodine added.  It can always be used in place of table salt, just know that you are missing out on the iodine.  Put three quarts of water over the pork knuckles and add a cup and a half of kosher salt and 4ish tablespoons of Himalayan salt.  This all goes into the refrigerator overnight but the longer you let it soak the saltier the flavor will be.

Gross!  DO NOT DRINK, DMM'S!  You will get super sick.  So while we wait for this dish to brine what about the second dish?  The Sauerkraut-style Dryad Buds?  If you recall, we have already used cabbage as a Dryad stand in which is perfect because that is the main ingredient for Sauerkraut!

Ah, the mighty cabbage.  What can't it do?  Sauerkraut is another brining situation that normally takes eleven-ish days.  But what if you were planning on making a pumpkin dish and had to improvise at the last minute?  No worries!  We can make overnight Sauerkraut.  Granted, it won't have that zing classic Sauerkraut has but it's still pretty good.  Start by chopping up the cabbage into thin strips.

Looking good.  Take that and put it into a pot along with some seasoning.  What type?  Pretty simple stuff, really. Salt, Caraway Seeds, Juniper Berries and Allspice Berries.  Don't have Caraway onhand?  Use Fennel Seeds!

I'm a Fennel house, DMM's.  FENNEL! Massage two teaspoons of salt, two teaspoons of Caraway or Fennel, and three whole berries of both Juniper and Allspice.  You'll let this set for 30 minutes.  This gives the salt time to pull out moisture from the cabbage.  While you wait on that it's time to chop the second ingredient, the mighty onion!

From here add about a tablespoon of olive oil to a pot and turn it to Medium heat. You are going to try and get the onion translucent.  I'm not good at this part, DMM's.  I always make them a little brown.  You want as little browning as possible so if you see the onion change color just turn down the heat.  This takes about five minutes over Medium heat.

Looking good enough!  Which is important in cooking, DMM's.  Good enough is better than getting upset and starting all over.  Not that I've totally done that hundreds of times or anything! Add the cabbage to the pot along with any cabbage water that may have come out while it sat with the salt.

 What's missing, DMM's?  That's right!  Liquid!  We need to marinate the cabbage in something to give the sour taste to the Sauerkraut.  What can do that when we are in a rush?  Apples!  Cider and Vinegar!

Remember, if it's clear and yella, you've got juice there, fella.  If it's tangy and brown, you're in Cider Town.  We need the extra tang of the cider to make our kraut!  Add half a cup of water, half a cup of Apple Cider and two cups of Apple Cider Vinegar to the pot and bring it to a boil for five minutes.  Turn this down to a simmer for 30 minutes and cover!  Weird tip. Cover with some parchment paper to keep moisture in the pot while it simmers.  I have no idea if this actually works but I kept reading it online.  And the Internet doesn't lie!

After 30 minutes just let it cool off a little and put into a jar.  This goes into the refrigerator overnight next to the pork knuckles!

Now all you can do is go to sleep and wait for the next day.  Isn't cooking fun!?  Fast forward and we switch back to the Eisbein.  Take the pork knuckles out of the fridge and give them a good rinsing off.  Just to remove any extra salt from the overly salted knuckles. We'll also want to gather some spices.  You may remember some from earlier!

Welcome back, Juniper and Allspice berries!  Coming along are Coriander, Marjoram and Granulated Garlic.  About a teaspoon of each.  Chop and onion and some carrots as well.  This is a low and slow simmer so anything you add to the "soup" will find its way into pork knuckle flavor.  Bring a pot of water to a boil, add the knuckles, add the rest and turn the pot down to a simmer.

And now we play the waiting game. And I'm not kidding.  Three hours!  Do you know how many games of Hungry, Hungry Hippos it takes to pass three hours?  Neither do I but we could find out together!  Just keep it to a low simmer and occasionally skim some fat off the top of the water.  After three whole hours have passed carefully take the pork knuckles out of the stew and move to a rack.

Looking good!  Now you could eat these right away, DMM's.  Nobody could stop you!  But what if I told you they could be even better if you wait?  May I interest you in crisper and cracklier pork knuckles?  Okay, okay. Settle down.  What you'll want to do is use your broiler!  Those super coils at the top of  your oven that never get enough love.  Before you start take a knife and cut small slits into the skin.  You don't want to go to deep but you want some fat to come out during the broiling process to help crip things up.  Set the broiler to HIGH and shove these under the heat for ten to twenty minutes.  Why the wide range?  Every oven is DIFFERENT!  It's a maddening truth.  Keep an eye on them and take them out when they look crispy.  Like this!

And there you have it, DMMs!  Eisbein!  If you are doing the Eisbein/Sauerkraut combo pair this with some mashed potatoes or bread.  And maybe some beer.  I hope this makes up for not doing the recipe I promised.  This is a winner itself though! Not as salty as you'd think and the meat is delicious.  I used a little dijon mustard with mine.  That's right, I'm a fancy slime now! Give it a shot the next time you have some spare time.  Just remember, don't plan on going anywhere for a while.  Just find a nice spot where you can wait!