Coin Bug Crackers and Pearl Centipede Skewers

 I can hear your deep baited breath from here, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs.  You've counted down the days since this project started, circling the day on your Senshi Centerfold Calendar.  And it's here!  We are finally, at long last, going to cook and eat us some bugs!

 

That's right, DMM's!  You are going to get two chances to eat up some bugs this week.  That is one greater than One!  Basic Math, it's fantastic.  As mentioned earlier, because this chapter had three recipes I felt the need to split them up. But these are actually fairly quick and easy so we'll just do two at a time.  Trust me you are going to enjoy the final outcome.  Why don't we start with the more complicated of the two?  The Coin Bug Crackers!

Thankfully the insects we're cooking with aren't even alive.  They're dead.  And powdered!

Cricket powdered!  I don't talk much about it here but this slime loves to run and exercise.  So getting protein in my diet is important.  But I'm not a big meat eater.  Not for any given reason, I became a quasi vegetarian by chance. So I have to get a little creative at times when it comes to getting that sweet sweet...wait...savory savory protein.  Cricket powder is a great way to punch up the protein of any baked good!  First things first: BIG FOOD ALLERGY WARNING! If you are allergic to shellfish there is a high chance you will be allergic to crickets.  Please to careful and consult your physician before trying.  With that out of the way let's get down to business, making Cricket Sugar Cookies! Let's start with the ingredients.  First, the wet ingredients.

Butter, sugar, egg, and vanilla. The classic wet combo for cookie making. "Ha, I have you now" I can hear you scream at the screen. "Nih, you unrequitant boob, sugar is dry. DRY!"  To that I say, what is dry, man?  When it comes to baking the rules of thermodynamics take a backseat.  Sugar is a "wet" ingredient.  But if sugar is wet, then what's a dry ingredient?

Flour, baking powder, salt, and the cricket protein.  Aside from the cricket protein this is as standard a sugar cookie recipe as you can get!  Straightforward and simple.  The Slime Chef code!  Okay, we have everything together so now what?  First we cream about 3/4s a cup of chopped butter and 3/4's cup sugar in a mixer until fluffy.  Then throw the egg and a half teaspoon of vanilla in. Mix vigorously! 

Whirrrrr! A little Nih background. I love this stand mixer so much.  It's older than my 14 year old cat. It's traveled from apartments to houses and has mixed many ingredients for me. Alway be good to your mixers, DMMs, and they'll be good to you!  So you've got the wet all combined it's time for the dry!  Simply put about little under two cups of flour, 1/8th cup of cricket flour, 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda, and 1/4th teaspoon of salt into a bowl and give them a good mixing.

Powery!  I know it looks like I just have a bowl of flour here but trust me, I put the cricket powder in there.  Stop doubting me so much!  Now just dump the dry into the wet and combine!

I did add just a little milk to mine just to thin things out a little.  It's been weirdly dry in my house this month! Now we have to wait a little, DMM's.  Take your mixture and form a ball. Flatten it out a little and wrap in clingwrap.  We are going to put this into the refrigerator and wait!

So much of baking is waiting.  

You aren't getting a dough to rise this time so why wait? In this case you want to get the butter fats cold. That way they will hold together longer while baking and you won't have flat expanded cookies.  We want solid cookies here!  You can wait an hour but the longer the better.  I you can leave the mixture in the refrigerator overnight that would be best.  Once you've waited as long as you can that you can waits no more flour up a kitchen counter and slam this mixture onto it!

KABLAMO! Baking is so violent.  And it's about to get even more violent!  Take all your anger and squish this dough out with a rolling pin.  A rolling pin of pure hatred!  Grr!

That's the power of angry baking right there, DMMs.  Now shape the cookies anyway you want.  I used a basic round cookie cutter since these are supposed to be coins.

Set the oven to the most used heat setting in history, 350 degrees!  Your mileage may vary but it took me a good 12 to 14 minutes of baking to hit that nice golden brown look.  Check out this pile of edible insect coins!

A little plain, I'll admit.  Decorating is not this slime's strong point.  I didn't want to lower your already mantel level opinion of me so I left them as is.  But adventurers only care about coin shapes.  Trust me, they'll be all over these coins in no time.  How do they taste though?

Let me be 100% honest with you.  These taste exactly how every sugar cookie you've ever eaten tasted.  I've had actual crickets and they have a very grassy flavor.  None of that is detectable here.  The cookies are DELICIOUS, don't get me wrong.  But if didn't tell you that I used cricket powder you'd never have guessed.  Unless you had the aforementioned shellfish allergy.  Then I'd suggest seeing a doctor.

Moving on from coins why don't we eat some pearls?

This one is even easier to put together than the sugar cookies.  Using the same cricket powder we're going to make something that I've used post workout over the years, Energy Bites!  What do you need to build those muscles after a hard workout?

Okay, yes.  We are making "healthy" candy.  Rolled oats, maple syrup, chocolate chips, peanut butter, chia seeds, coco powder, salt, and cricket powder.  These will keep you going and have enough protein to make buff like I assume Senshi is!  But what's this about it being easy?  You just pour everything into food processor and let the whirly blade do all the work!

This mixture is 1/4 cup oats, 1/4 cup chia, 1/3 cup cricket powder, 1/2 cup peanut butter, 1/4 cup coco powder, 3 tablespoons of maple syrup, 2 tablespoons of chocolate chips, and salt.  Simple!  Once it looks like everything has ground together you just pour into a bowl.

And take your hands and form this into balls!

A wonderous string of pearls! What?  Black pearls are very valuable.  "Wait a minute, you odiferous slime.  How would pearls kill an adventurer?  Have you lost your faculties for smart making?", I can hear you screaming at the screen.  Don't worry, DMMs.  Take a closer look at these pearls.

Have you ever seen a string of pearls that could take a bite out of you?  To replicate this we just need some chow mein noodles and....

Watch out!  It's coming right at you!  These are great but they are super THICK.  Be sure to have some milk nearby. That'll also help you in the muscle building department so win/win!  And that's it for eating insects, Dungeon Meshi Maniacs. I do have a lot to say about eating insects but that will have to wait for the leftovers next week.  This week we will all enjoy our buggy desserts!